I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
