you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
