So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
