Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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