we made out on top of his cat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
