if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
