I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
