He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
