So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
