this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
