the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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