theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
