shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
