I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
