I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
