I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
