I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
