He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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