ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize