My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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