so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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