Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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