Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
