i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
