So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just had sex bonerless
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
