Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
