it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
