Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just cut my nipple shaving
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
