We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
