just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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