Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
