You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
