Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
