you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I party with great urgency now.
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