Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
