Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
