ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
