if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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