it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
