big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
