I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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