Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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