My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
