My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
