I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
