so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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