my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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