I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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