I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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