I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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