Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
