Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
