Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
