We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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