ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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