lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
