How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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