There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
