sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
