I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
