Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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