i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize