guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
