my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
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