he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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