And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
