I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
