Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize