@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Dear god my vagina.
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