Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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