I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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