I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
