She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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