My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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