Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
