At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
