It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
