Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
