You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
