she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
