Reggie can tackle my bush.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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