I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I checked into jail on foursquare
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
