you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
