Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
