goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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