The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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