She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
