there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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