He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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