when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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