Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
