wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
