My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
