I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
