Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
