So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
