If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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