I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
