I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
