My nipple is on Facebook.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
