After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
